I’m Holden Caulfield

I don’t know why these guys asked me to write stuff about Willy Street for their stupid site, but I said I would so now I gotta do it. I don’t know why I said I would, I don’t know anything about the place. Now I am no better than those hypocrites that say they know stuff when they don’t.

It’s like all those phonies that mourned the death of the author, JD Salinger. A big dramatic production that didn’t do anyone any good (and was pretty embarrassing, really, if you think about it), thousands upon thousands of phonies across the country mourned the death of author J.D. Salinger, who was 91 years old for crying out loud. But they didn’t know the guy. Well, now I’m like those hypocrites. I’m just dumb that way I guess.

So, what about this Willy Street place? What a dumb name. What kind of name is Willy Street? I’m going to do some research:

  • Okay, I guess the real name of the street is Williamson. That’s better – it’s not so stupid. I guess a lot of the streets around here were named after the signers of the Constitution. Like this guy Hugh Williamson, but he was from South Carolina or something. What’s that got to do with Madison? See what I mean? Dumb.
  • I read somewhere that the area was the first in Madison to form a neighborhood association. That was in 1959. I’ll bet these people around here think their cool for that one – like they were the ones that did it or something.
  • Apparently the Willy Street area has lots of of galleries, coffeehouses and too many art studios to count. When I was in New York, a place described like that would mean beatniks and jazz – artists and musicians. Those kinds of people can be a real pain in the you-know-what, but they know how to hang out.
  • I guess they have some pretty cool restaurants and bars on this Willy Street. Now we’re talking! Maybe I can get these tightwads to buy me a dinner or two and maybe some drinks. I can say I’m doing some field work or something like that and I need to sample what the eating joints are like around here. They’re really dumb – they’ll buy that crock in a New York minute.
  • Live music is what I like. Looks like this Willy Street area has some good places to see live music and maybe a standup routine. That’s cool! I’ll get these knuckleheads to make sure I get some kinda passes to the shows or something. You gotta see this stuff in order to write about it – right?
  • Finally, this one will get ya.  Willy Street runs from John Nolen on the Southwest and goes to the Winnebago/Eastwood fork in the Northeast – only 9 or 10 blocks!  But, they say that stuff on E Wash is the Willy Street Area and stuff on Atwood too!  That’s just dumb.  I guess it’s because they say it’s the Marquette Neighborhood.  Make up your mind, will you?

Well, maybe this gig won’t be so bad. When they asked me to do this thing, and we were done and I was leaving, I had to shake their hand and I said, “Glad to’ve met you.”

I’m always saying “Glad to’ve met you” to somebody I’m not at all glad I met. If you want to stay alive, you have to say that stuff though.

Holden Caulfield is the fictional teenage protagonist and narrator of author J. D. Salinger’s 1951 novel The Catcher in the Rye     c. Little, Brown and Company, Boston

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