Atwood Woman Violates Work Truck in Protest

Photograph received at the offices of Spoofing Willy – sent anonymously (We don’t know who sent it).

Madison, WI. The crew working on St Bernard Catholic Church at 2701 Atwood Avenue arrived at the construction site before dawn Tuesday morning only to be met with an unsettling sight. The truck on which the 30’ basket lift is mounted was, itself, lifted about a foot off the ground. 

“This wasn’t the work of nocturnal pranksters,” said John Hammer, the site foreman. “That 2-ton truck was levitating – and SHE did it!”

The foreman was pointing his finger across the street at Candice Mattors, a small framed 30-something woman leaning on the wall of Stalzy’s Delicatessen (home of Madison’s best Rueben and Rachel sandwiches). “She disrupted our work site for more than an hour as we reported the matter to our superiors and to the police,” he said. “Our whole day is shot!”

Mattors said that she was tired of the glass ceiling that exists in the world of professional magicians. “Women get as far as Magician Assistant,” she said. “and no further!” She accused the US Association of Magical Entertainers National (USA – MEN) of stifling the professional growth of female performers. “We’re good enough to saw in half or to make disappear (think about the undertones there).” she exclaimed wagging her head. “But we’re not good enough to run our own show.”

Mattors said that now that her abilities to levitate a 2-ton work truck are made public, her

continued unemployment in her chosen field of endeavor would be an indictment of the “good old boy” network that exists in the world of American entertainment magic.

By the time the first rays of morning light began illuminating the situation, the truck had settled back down on the jacks that held it level. The actual witnesses to the LIP (levitation in protest) were Hammer the foreman, Mattors the levitator in protest and two construction workers that somehow were given the rest of the day off before we could talk to them.

Candice Mattors (aka, Candice Hammer nee Mattors) does have a magic show called Magic Mattors. For booking call: 888-555-1010

Leave a Reply